Toad of the Apocalypse

Gaze deeply, and see the future!

Here at Punch and Jude, one of our favorite pastimes is predicting the end of the world. So far, we are 0 for 2,363,715 with our predictions, but that doesn't slow us down. No, sir.

Why not, you might ask?

Because, ever and anon, we see new eschatological signs. Like, for example, this toad.

Sweet Jesus, that's a lot of amphibian.

We've talked about the plague of cane toads before. We've also discussed the plague of hypno-toads.

Beware! The End Times are at hand!

Apocalypse Averted

Not this week

Well, the Detroit Tigers ended up losing in five games to the Cardinals. So no Apocalypse just yet, people.

However, just because it's not imminent, doesn't mean it's not coming.

Here's another sign.

That's right. Fried Coke.

It's Coming

This is what you'll see after the Tigers win the World Series.

Well, the Mets couldn't get it done last night. They shouldn't have had a chance, but they turned the NLCS game seven into a helluva show.

So the Cardinals won. Now they get to go to Detroit to have the Tigers put an old-school ass-whuppin' on them.

After that, look for partly cloudy skies with a high chance of Apocalypse.

I warned you several times this year about how well the Tigers were doing. Did you take that opportunity to repent your sins? Probably not. Now it's time to pay. Oh, well. You've had a good run.

NFL News

Yes, it's getting to be that time of year again. The time of year when my church opens its doors every Sunday and says "Come in, get drunk, and watch giant men try to grind each other into dust for a few hours."

That time is still a couple of months away, but I do like the anticipation. Just because there's no football on, though, doesn't mean there's no news. Check this out: The Denver Broncos might have trouble the first few games. You see, their punter, Todd Sauerbrun, is facing a four-game suspension for testing positive for ephedra.

That's right. The punter. Banned substance.

This must be a sign of the apocalypse.

Beisból

Last month, I warned you all to be terrified of the unbelievable success of the Detroit Tigers. However, I did say that it was early in the season.

Over a month later, they're still the best team in baseball.

I'm really starting to get worried. After a careful reading of the Revelations of St. John the Divine, I'm convinced that the Apocalypse is at hand. Be warned, everyone.

Something Very Wrong Is Going On

Don't look now, but the Detroit Tigers have the best record in Major League Baseball--tied with the defending champion White Sox.

I know it's very early in the season. But still. Be afraid, everyone.

Correction. Be terrified.

Signs of the Apocalypse

1. Thunder. Lightning. Snow. What the fuck? Snow? Yeah, a snowy thunderstorm greeted me this morning.
   
   
2. Dick Cheney (R-Smith & Wesson), who recently blasted a 78-year-old man in the face with a shotgun, said that, gee, he might be responsible. That doesn't seem like a big revelation to those of you with more than three functioning neurons, but, trust me, it's unusual in the extreme.
   

Anomaly? Hardly

Whenever I hear about something like this, I'm not surprised to find out that it happened in Japan. If the story came from anywhere else, I'd think that something in the universe was amiss. However, a byline of "Tokyo" reassures me that the laws of nature have not been violated.

A rodent-eating snake and a hamster have developed an unusual bond at a zoo in the Japanese capital, Tokyo.

Their relationship began in October last year, when zookeepers presented the hamster to the snake as a meal.

The rat snake, however, refused to eat the rodent. The two now share a cage, and the hamster sometimes falls asleep sitting on top of his natural foe.

"I have never seen anything like it," a zookeeper at the Mutsugoro Okoku zoo told the Associated Press News agency.

The hamster was initially offered to Aochan, the two-year-old rat snake, because it was refusing to eat frozen mice, the Associated Press news agency reports.

As a joke, the zookeeper said they named the hamster Gohan - the Japanese word for meal.

"I don't think there's any danger. Aochan seems to enjoy Gohan's company very much," zookeeper Kazuya Yamamoto told the Associated Press news agency.

The apparent friendship between the snake and hamster is one of many reported bonds spanning the divide between predator and prey.

Well, it's not a lion laying down with a lamb, but it seems a promising start.