A Little Groggy

Kinda like this.

I've had a nagging cold (or series of colds) lately. This would be annoying enough, but it now seems that I can't do nighttime cold medicine anymore.

Why, you ask?

Because, the other day, I woke up extremely groggy. I noticed this was a problem while standing in the bathroom with a tube of toothpaste in one hand and my razor in the other. I don't know if I was going to brush my teeth with the razor or shave my face with the toothpaste, but either way, it wasn't gonna be pleasant.

You don't get this kind of helpful advice just anywhere, kids, so check back often.

1.6 Million Dollars? For That Shithole?

What a dump.

That's right. This is a toilet-shaped house. Amazingly, it isn't in Florida. It's in South Korea. Maybe it's something about peninsulas.

Sim Jae-Duck was born in a restroom and now he plans to live and die in one -- a 1.6 million dollar toilet-shaped house designed to promote his tireless campaign for cleaner loos worldwide.

Sim will open what is billed as the world's one and only toilet house on November 11 to mark the launch of his World Toilet Association.

The 419-square-metre (4,508-sq-foot) concrete and glass structure is rising on the site of Sim's former home in his native city of Suweon, 40 kilometres (24 miles) south of Seoul.

Before he moves in, anyone who is flush with funds can rent it for 50,000 dollars a day -- with proceeds going to his campaign to provide poor countries with proper sanitary facilities.

Apart from two bedrooms, two guestrooms and other rooms, the two-storey house -- of course -- features three deluxe toilets. Unlike the giant "toilet" in which they are located, they will not be see-through affairs.

"A showcase bathroom screened by a glass wall is located in its centre, while other toilets have elegant fittings or water conservation devices," Sim told AFP.

The showcase loo will feature a device producing a mist to make users feel secure. An electronic sensor will raise the lid automatically when people enter, and there will also be music for patrons.

The house, complete with a stream and small garden in front, is named Haewoojae, meaning "a place of sanctuary where one can solve one's worries".

Yes. Solve one's worries. Or something like that. Sheesh.

Ahoy!

Stand fast, ye cowardly dogs!

Ahoy, mates! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day! Stand ready--sail spotted three points off the port bow. We've got the weather gauge, and we'll be on 'em afore the day is out. A gold crown fer the bloodthirsty savage what lands the first grapple t' that hull!

Jon, I dare you to talk like a pirate all day at work. I'll bet you won't do it. You don't have the balls. No balls!

In Which I Resolve Never To Return To Texas

Fuck that.

Too many spiders. I've seen this sort of thing in Guam, and we had gigantic web-dwelling spiders where I grew up, but I never saw this kind of nonsense in the continental US.

In other news, everybody and his brother (well, not my brother) wrote about the two-year anniversary of Katrina. That shit depresses me something bad, so I avoided it. Sorry to disappoint all three of you who read this regularly.

From what I understand, things don't look like this everywhere back home anymore. I guess that's something to be happy about.

This was a great place to eat, once upon a time.

Greek Fire

Yellow = Madness
Red = Sparta

So when did Greece turn into California? That's a bad scene.

UPDATE: Apparently, Ms. Dukakis is involved, as well:

Greek Fires Kill 56 and Lick Ancient Olympia.

Ewwww.....

Friday Fun

Why not check out the entire last episode of Blackadder Goes Forth today? Here it is, in three installments.







It's because of this small series, and, to a lesser extent, Jeeves and Wooster, that I just can't take Hugh Laurie seriously enough to watch House, M.D.

But I don't guess that's much of a loss.

Russian Strongman

Teh Гей

Here's Vladimir Putin, showing that George Bush isn't the only world leader who can be photo-op manly on vacation. So how do you say "beefcake" in Russian?

Quote of the Day

Behold, the One Commandment!

Today's pithy goodness:

"The type of intoxicant is not as important as the presence of one."

Awful Pun Wednesday

Commence groaning in 5, 4, 3...

A Little Music on a Sunday



It's Fats Domino singing Blue Monday. Enjoy!

Allergy Season, Again

Click for a larger image.

You know, if medical personnel came to me and said that they could totally eliminate my allergies, but it would take twenty years off of my life, I'd tell them they had a deal.

Son of a bitch, I hate allergies.

For I Have Seen the Future, and It Contains Spam

Click for a larger image.

Apparently, in 31 years, you will still be able to buy fugazi Rolexes on-line. I'm sure this comes as a great comfort to you all.

Close the Ad Agencies

We now have the greatest commercial ever. Starring, of course, Mr. T.



Get some nuts!

Back Again

Attention, arachnids: Heed the sign.

Hey hey, loyal readers. I'm back after a short absence. Where have I been? I'll tell you. I've been busy with Quikrete and Raid, working hard to prevent this from happening to me:

ALBANY, Ore. - These guys weren't exactly Snap, Crackle and Pop. What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy's ear — "like Rice Krispies" — ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear.
"They were walking on my eardrums," Jesse Courtney said.

One of the spiders was still alive after the doctor flushed the fourth-grader's left ear canal. His mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear — "like Rice Krispies."

Dr. David Irvine said it looked like the boy had something in his ear when he examined him.

When he irrigated the ear, the first spider came out, dead. The other spider took a second dousing before it emerged, still alive. Both were about the size of a pencil eraser.

Jesse was given the spiders — now both dead — as a souvenir. He has taken them to school and his mother has taken them to work.

I have friends who live in Oregon. They're always encouraging me to come visit. Thanks to this story, I think I'll pass on going that way. Ever.

If I were this kid, I'd slug the first wannabe-clever person to come up and say "So let me put a bug in your ear."

The Nietzsche Family Circus

If only it were this funny.

If you're anything like me (and you should hope to god that you're not), you absolutely hate the Family Circus. As in, you feel for the Family Circus the same kind of white-hot hatred that is normally reserved for people who abuse cute puppies. The fire of a thousand blue suns couldn't come close to the hatred that I have for Bil Keane's atrocious offal.

That being said, this is funny. I mean really funny. It's the Nietzsche Family Circus, in which random Family Circus panels are combined with random Nietzsche quotes. The results are often reminiscent of what philosophers and biologists refer to as "emergent properties." if you don't believe me. By themselves, neither the Family Circus or Nietzsche is funny. However, when you combine them, hilarity ensues. Who could have predicted that outcome? No one, that's who. Hence, we see an emergent property.

Here's my favorite Nietzsche Family Circus so far:

Die at the right time!

That's some funny shit.

A Long and Busy Day

¡Estoy ocupado!

Sorry I don't have anything fresh today, loyal readers. I've been pretty busy.

I'll have more soon, I promise.

In the meantime, why not check out some of the fine links over to the right? You'll thank yourself for it.

Busy Busy Busy

So check out this video:



And you thought you were having a shitty day.

Happiness

If this isn't bliss, I don't know what is.

Shit I Didn't Need the Internet to Know

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Well? What about you?

April Is the Cruellest Month

You can't even breed lilacs out of the dead ground when it freezes overnight.

Even when you don't take the weather into account, April can be cruel. So very, very cruel.

Goddamn Annette Ziegler is now going to be a supreme court judge here for the next decade. So we can expect more good conservative ethics from our state judiciary. Bleah. I guess it's really hard for those rich folks to catch a break.