Friday, March 31, 2006

Rebel Rabbit

Once again, we ask: What the fuck is wrong with Florida?

A woman confronted her neighbor for sexually assaulting her son. She told him she was going to call the cops and turn his sorry ass in. He gave her six hundred dollars, and she let him rape the boy again. Six hundred dollars.

What, you don't believe me? You're thinking, come on, Jude, you've gotta be making that up, right? Well, think again.
A woman confronted a neighbor accused of sexually assaulting her 7-year-old son and threatened to call police, but then accepted $600 in hush money and let the man molest the boy again, authorities said.

The 30-year-old woman was charged Tuesday with capital sexual battery and child abuse. The neighbor, Nicholas Quiles, 48, has been charged with capital sexual battery. Both are being held without bail.

The alleged sexual assaults happened the first two weeks of February, Lt. Jeffrey Harrington said.

The boy told his 11-year-old sister that Quiles did "bad things to him," the girl told detectives. An anonymous tip led investigators to the neighbor and mother.

The boy, his sister and their toddler brother were removed from their home, Harrington said. There is no evidence so far that the other children were sexually abused, he said.

"There are definitely oddities to this case," Harrington said. "I hope we never have to investigate anything like this again."
Oddities? Oddities? That's the strongest thing you can say, Lieutenant?

What the fuck, Florida?

You may be wondering what this article has to do with the title of the post. I'll tell you.

In 1949, Warner Brothers released a Bugs Bunny cartoon with that title. I haven't seen in in quite a few years, but I do remember something very relevant from that short. I'll provide the setup, so's you have proper context.

Bugs is reading the list of bounties for wild animals. Foxes are worth $50, bears are worth $75. But rabbits only rate 2 cents. Bugs is outraged. He goes to Washington, D.C., to complain, and he decides to raise forty kinds of hell to show people that rabbits can be dangerous.

He ties up the railroads (literally), paints the Washington Monument to look like a barber's pole, and sells Manhattan back to the Indians.

Here's where it becomes relevant--Bugs, armed with only a handsaw, cuts off the state of Florida from the rest of the country. As it drifts away, he yells, "South America, take it away!" (Apparently, this was a line in a popular song at the time.)

That's what we need. Bugs Bunny, where have you gone? We need your help!

Oh, and apologies to South America for dumping Florida on them. I guess we could just anchor it in the Atlantic somewhere instead of leaving it adrift.

Labels: , ,