I Know Condoms Are a Barrier Method, But This Is Ridiculous

Well, it is a very big border.

Condoms. What can't they do? In addition to helping prevent unwanted pregnancies and STD's, one House Republican thinks they can stop illegal immigration! I shit you not. I can't make up things like this.

A congressman is pushing a not-so-quick fix in the debate over illegal immigrants from Mexico: free contraceptives.

"A slower rate of growth of Mexico's population would improve the economy of Mexico. It would also reduce the environmental pressure on Mexico's ecosystem. But a slower rate of growth would also reduce the long-term illegal immigration pressure on America's borders," reasoned Rep. Mark Kirk, who also supports stronger border security in the short-term.

In reality, fertility rates have plunged in Mexico since 1980, when an average couple would have five or more children. Now, the country's fertility rate has dropped to 2.5 children, compared to 2.1 for the United States, according to United Nations data.

Kirk, an Illinois Republican, made the argument on Thursday during a heated debate in the House of Representatives over whether the U.S. government should be allowed to donate condoms and other contraceptives to family planning agencies abroad that also engage in abortion.

The proposal was narrowly approved by the House, over the protests of anti-abortion lawmakers who prefer sex abstinence education. The measure faces a veto threat from the White House.

Kirk, who attended college in Mexico and holds a master's degree from the London School of Economics, may have offered an idea that might appeal to some fiscal conservatives.

Shipping condoms to the poor in Mexico could be cheaper than the multibillion-dollar fence being constructed along the U.S.-Mexico border.

It's funny to watch the crazy Republicans--is their hatred of sexuality going to win out over their good old-fashioned racism and xenophobia? Stay tuned next week to find out!

Really, though, there's so much here that's funny and tragic. To begin with, the oh-so-hilarious phrase "anti-abortion lawmakers who prefer sex abstinence education." How the fuck did abortion get mixed up in this? These fools just don't wany anyone fucking, anywhere. On to Rep. Kirk's assumption that carpet-bombing Mexico with Durex (I guess that would be the new GBU-69 Anti-potential Personnel Device in military terms) will magically reduce fertility rates, which will in turn end illegal immigration. Uh, Mr. Kirk? I have a couple of friends I would like you to meet. They're called "Cause" and "Effect." Finally, what kind of imperialistic bullshit is this, anyway? It's not enough that these "small-government conservatives" have to be up to their eyeballs in our personal lives--now they're looking to go international? (And, yes, I know about all the bullshit with respect to AIDS prevention programs in Africa and condoms.)

We paid Mr. Kirk over $165,000 last year so he could come up with brainstorms like this. God Bless America.