Makes Perfect Sense

Ted Haggard is "completely heterosexual." And I just won the Super Bowl...

...in Bizarro World.

What the fuck is it with these crazy Christians?

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

So let me get this straight (ha ha!)--you can see a prostitute for three years, but it doesn't matter, because he was the only guy you ever fucked? So how many men would he have to boink before he was completely gay? Or is it a gradual process of gayification? This shit confuses me.

Here's a better article, one that could have been written by the Reverend Haggard himself.