Irony: As Dead as Ken Lay

Ken Lay, pension-stealing cocksucker, Bush crony, convicted felon, and current resident of Hell, received some stirring fucking eulogies down in Houston. You would have thought that he was another Mother Theresa, if you knew nothing about him but his funeral. You wouldn't know that he absolutely fucking ruined the retirements, savings accounts, and college funds of thousands of people, or that his company was responsible for the fake-ass "energy crisis" in California a few years ago.

I swear, I am not making up any of what follows.

His stepson talked about what a great and persecuted man he was.

A "longtime friend" noted what a stand-up, law-abiding guy Kenny Boy was in this life.

His brother-in-law, speaking on behalf of the Almighty, assured everyone that Lay was, in fact, seated at the right hand of The Father.

I know that, generally, at funerals, people talk about how swell the stiff was in life. But this shit was completely over the top.

A preacher said the following:

The Rev. Bill Lawson, pastor of Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church, likened Lay to James Byrd, an African-American man who was dragged to death in a racially motivated murder near Jasper eight years ago.

"Ken Lay was neither black nor poor as James Byrd was," Lawson said. "But I'm angry because he was the victim of a lynching." Lawson, who also spoke at Lay's Colorado memorial service, likened the businessman to President John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Jesus — all of whom, the minister said, were wrongly victimized.

Lawson noted that Lay was rich and powerful and gave to many political campaigns over the years. "He was a lover of people," Lawson said.

"Those who did not like him have had their say, and I'd like to have mine," Lawson said. "And I don't care what you think."

Sure, Jesus went through a trial, this preacher would have us believe, but it was Ken Lay who really suffered. That's very Christian, isn't it?

Irony: You will be missed. Ken Lay: You won't.

Come on. Comparing him to James Byrd? That's offensive on so many levels I don't know where to start. Zizou needs to headbutt that preacher. Right in the nuts.

I'd like to note that neither James Byrd, nor MLK, nor JFK, nor Jesus were ever convicted of six federal counts of fraud and conspiracy. Ever. I'm going to say this very clearly: Ken Lay was a criminal--A convicted felon, a thief on a massive scale. I don't care what you think (to borrow a phrase)--he was a hoodlum. Say he loved his family, he was great with kids and dogs, whatever. But don't say he wasn't a criminal. He was, and on a level so vast it's hard to comprehend.

I hope he heard all that shit, and saw all of the crocodile tears, from where he is in hell.