Now Where's that Rabbit with a Handsaw?

We haven't talked much lately about how Florida needs to be kicked out of the union, but that doesn't mean that people in Florida have ceased making the case for themselves.

Consider: God Himself is apparently deeply involved in Florida politics. To be fair, we should mention that the source for the Lord's concern is the in-severe-need-of-institutionalization Reverend O'Neal Dozier.

A reverend who introduced Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist during a breakfast with other pastors Monday said the Lord came to him in a dream two years ago and told him Crist would be the state's next governor.

The Rev. O'Neal Dozier said that before the dream he did not know Crist, nor had Crist made known his plans to run for governor.

"The Lord Jesus spoke to me and he said 'There's something I want you to know,'" said Dozier, pastor of the Worldwide Christian Center in Pompano Beach. "'Charlie Crist will be the next governor of the state of Florida.'"

Since then, Dozier has spent time with Crist and talked with him at length about policy. He told the group that Crist would be uncompromising in his Christian faith.

"I introduce to you, as the Lord Jesus has said, the next governor of the state of Florida, Charlie Crist," Dozier said.

Crist's first words were, "Well, as they say, the praise doesn't get any higher."

Chief Financial Officer Tom Gallagher, who is opposing Crist in the primary, wouldn't comment on the remarks after the event.

Afterward, Dozier said he met Crist two months after the dream at a conference of Republican leaders from around the South. He told Crist about the dream, and Crist replied that he would run.

"It's the most amazing thing anyone's every told me," Crist said. "It's beyond overwhelming, but the reverend has a very strong faith in his heart and he's a good man. I'm very grateful for his help and his support and his belief."

Gov. Jeb Bush, who appointed Dozier to a group that nominates judges in South Florida, didn't directly respond to the remark, but praised Dozier.

"Far be it from me to judge about people's faiths and what occurs because of it," Bush said. "He is very sincere. Rev. Dozier's a good man."

All four gubernatorial candidates were invited to the pastor appreciation breakfast organized by the Christian Family Coalition. Crist and Gallagher spoke to the group, both giving an anti-abortion message and discussing their proposals to increase adoptions.

Democrats running for the seat Bush is leaving due to term limits — state Sen. Rod Smith and U.S. Rep. Jim Davis (news, bio, voting record) — did not attend, though Smith's son-in-law, the Rev. Graham Glover, spoke on his behalf.

Wow. I mean, wow.

So what happens if Charlie Crist doesn't win? Does that make the Lord Jesus a liar? Or just a prankster? Personally, I like the idea of Jesus appearing in a jester hat and giving out fake predictions. The Almighty probably has quite a sense of humor, really.

But seriously. Why in the blue hell would anyone not call the Loony Patrol on this man? Jesus appeared to him in a dream and told him who the next governor of Florida was going to be? That's some serious delusion. Not to mention overinflated self-importance. I mean, if I went around telling people that the Lord Krishna had come to me and told me that chuck roasts would be $2.00 off per pound next month, people would, rightly, question my sanity. And they'd probably have me put away--'cause I'd deserve it.

But this douchebag not only gets a pass, he gets lauded in public and hobnobs with the bigwigs of the state. Amazing. Just amazing.

Oh, and Jeb Bush? Sincerity doesn't make everything alright. That was the weakest goddamn response you could possibly have come up with. You know who else is sincere? Osama bin Laden, that's who. He's extremely committed and sincere. Does that make him okay?

Hell no!

I'm just sick of that dodge: "I respect the sincerity of your beliefs."

Well, goddammit, I don't. If your beliefs are batshit insane and downright dangerous, I don't respect the first fucking thing about them. Rev. Dozier needs to stick to religion. In his church, I don't give a shit if he claims that eating Pixy Stix will send you to hell or that 2 +2 = 7,492. But when he gets into motivating voters with God's revealed will, he needs to shut the fuck up.