Abu Jahl

Originally known as Abu al-Hakam, he was a member, like Muhammad, of the Quraysh tribe in Mecca and was also a contemporary of the prophet. He opposed the prophet, not least because he was rich, rich, rich, and Muhammad went around saying silly things like it is the duty of the rich to care for the poor. Abu Jahl, as al-Hakam is called in the Qur'an, means "Father of Lies."

Why, you might ask, do I bring this up?

Simple.

I was reading this article in the NY Times today about military recruiters. I am of the opinion that all recruiters should, legally, be compelled to add "Abu Jahl" to their names.

I have some experience with recruiters. I should mention that I went to them--they didn't come looking for me and convince me with a slick sales pitch. They still lied, though. Often they were lies of omission, like not explaining that bit about how everyone actually signs up for eight years (the extra two, four, six, or however many years are spent in the Individual Ready Reserve, an institution that I never heard jack about until I was on active duty). It helped that I was fairly cynical, too--I didn't believe anything that the recruiter said, so their lies of commission just didn't register with me.

But it was the more gullible people who suffered from believing the Abu Jahls of the military. I saw them lie to a lot of kids who came into that office. I knew they couldn't possibly guarantee all of the crap they promised. I think that a recruiter would tell some guy that they'll carve his face into the moon if it will get him to sign the papers.

Of course, in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "It takes two to lie: one to lie, and one to believe the lie." Which is not entirely the hogwash it seems. Consider:

"You see, according to President Bush, he's going to hand power over in Iraq on June 30," [prospective recruit] Mr. Nelson explained, as he sat on his front porch. "I expect Iraq will be over before I even get out of boot camp."

Wow. I hope this guy isn't going by a used car lot anytime soon.

Similarly, we see this from a prospective recruit's father:

Mr. Jordan, 50, who said his own Army service was the best thing that ever happened to him, said he was thrilled with his daughter's choice. As for the possibility of danger, Mr. Jordan said: "We don't think she is going to be in a battle zone. Sergeant Purdie has kind of made us feel comfortable. Hopefully, things will have been settled down by the time her training is over."

Uh, Mr. Jordan? You were in the Army. You should know better than to let Sergeant Purdie make you feel comfortable.

I don't want to be totally down on the military. I joined of my own free will, and spent a lot of time on active duty in a combat unit. I learned a lot, qualified for the GI Bill, made some excellent friends, and acquired some pretty impressive job skills. Overall, I think it was a good thing for me. I wouldn't have been able to afford college without it. But I knew going in that I was gonna get a raw deal. Uncle Sam never gives you something for nothing (well, not if you're poor, anyway).

But recruiters still bug me.