America's Finest News Source

I love The Onion, but it's not often that I talk up a particular issue. However, this week's issue is particularly wonderful.

To begin with, in the sidebar, they have a joke about Georgia's state flag. It's a gag that's recycled from an edition several years ago, but it's still damn funny.

They give you, the loyal reader, a breakdown of the US government's new Screw You packet, an update on the construction of the Reagan Pyramid, a summary of the Supreme Court's latest decision (stating that Americans are not capable of self-governance), and, finally, a news tidbit from my hometown:

Riverboat Horseracing Fails Utterly
BILOXI, MS—Owners of the nation's first riverboat-horseracing facility announced its closure Tuesday, minutes after the inaugural race. "I guess we planned it pretty poorly," said Ronald Frisch, president and CEO of Gambling Concepts Unlimited. "We figured that once we opened the dining-room doors, the horses would know to race through the grand buffet room to the other side of the boat." Twenty-five people were trampled to death in the chaos that resulted, and eight horses drowned when they fell from the riverboat's lower deck. Gambling Concepts Unlimited officials said they still plan to hold next month's airborne rodeo as scheduled.

Those poor horses.