Thursday, November 08, 2007

Memo To Benito Giuliani and The Christian Right: Shut The Fuck Up

There's a lotta evil in this photo. A lotta crazy, too.

As you may have heard by now, the evil husk of a human known as Rudolph Giuliani recently received the endorsement of sanctimonious sack of shit Pat Robertson. So let's go over what this means. Giuliani is claiming that he deserves to be President because of September 11th. At least, that's what I get out of his campaign rhetoric. He wants to "keep America safe" by turning the country into a mirror image of the USSR's police state ca. 1948, plus racism. He wants to lock more people up indefinitely, spy on your telephone conversations and bank records, and torture the shit out of anyone even suspected of being an "enemy," as defined by him (note: history teaches us that such an approach never, ever ends well). In one of the Republican "debates" (if by "debate" you mean "the howling of the monkeys flinging shit at the zoo"), Giuliani got all up in nutjob Libertarian Ron Paul's grill because Paul had the audacity to suggest that US foreign policy might, might have something to do with motivating terrorist attacks against the United States. Here's exactly what Paul said:
Have you ever read the reasons they attacked us? They attack us because we've been over there; we've been bombing Iraq for 10 years. We've been in the Middle East -- I think Reagan was right.

We don't understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics. So right now we're building an embassy in Iraq that's bigger than the Vatican. We're building 14 permanent bases. What would we say here if China was doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting. We need to look at what we do from the perspective of what would happen if somebody else did it to us.


I'm suggesting that we listen to the people who attacked us and the reason they did it, and they are delighted that we're over there because Osama bin Laden has said, "I am glad you're over on our sand because we can target you so much easier." They have already now since that time -- (bell rings) -- have killed 3,400 of our men, and I don't think it was necessary.
Wow. That's really controversial, isn't it? Cause precedes effect. Oh my. However, since that pesky little thing known as "reason" has no place in Republican politics, Giuliani, howling and throwing shit like the finest piece of in-heat monkey ass in the world was just out of reach, screeched that Ron Paul must be off his meds. Rather than examine actual causes and try to prevent doing things that are the geopolitical equivalent of kicking a hornet's nest and then wondering why you're getting stung (oh, I'm not saying that we shouldn't find Osama bin Laden and throw him in a hole for the rest of his miserable fucking life, so don't get all pissy about that), Rudolph decided to attack Ron Paul. To wit:
Wendell, may I comment on that? That's really an extraordinary statement. That's an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through the attack of September 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq. I don't think I've heard that before, and I've heard some pretty absurd explanations for September 11th.

And I would ask the congressman to withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn't really mean that.
That's right, bitches. But it went on, as Ron Paul tried to use (gasp) a historical example to buttress his argument:
I believe very sincerely that the CIA is correct when they teach and talk about blowback. When we went into Iran in 1953 and installed the shah, yes, there was blowback. A reaction to that was the taking of our hostages and that persists. And if we ignore that, we ignore that at our own risk. If we think that we can do what we want around the world and not incite hatred, then we have a problem.

They don't come here to attack us because we're rich and we're free. They come and they attack us because we're over there. I mean, what would we think if we were -- if other foreign countries were doing that to us?
In case you're wondering, Paul's position is the same as set out in the US Government's 9/11 Commission Report (warning-PDF). But it's so much more fun and easy to say that "They hate us for our freedoms." Yeah, Giuliani fell back on the same tired-ass explanations for terrorism that were oh-so-popular immediately after 9/11 in a post-debate interview with talk show host and Republican cum bucket Sean Hannity--you can see the video here. I wonder if, during the "harsh interrogations," the idea of which get Giuliani's shriveled little penis semi-tumescent, the modern-day inquisitors ask the detainees why they hate our freedoms.

But what does all this have to do with Pat Robertson? I'm glad you asked. Two days after the 9/11 terror attacks, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell got together on TV to combine their two-and-a-half functioning neurons into a brain trust for the ages, in an attempt to determine why these awful attacks had just taken place. You know what they blamed? Our freedoms.
Falwell said, "The ACLU has got to take a lot of blame for this. And I know I'll hear from them for this, but throwing God...successfully with the help of the federal court system...throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad...I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen."
Robertson said, "I totally concur, and the problem is we've adopted that agenda at the highest levels of our government, and so we're responsible as a free society for what the top people do, and the top people, of course, is the court system."
The word "hypocrite" doesn't begin to describe these two cocksuckers. Giuliani is running for president based on the fact that he wasn't visibly shitting himself on the morning of September 11, 2001. He wants to tear down a couple of centuries' worth of liberties to make sure that the people who "hate our freedom" won't have anything left to hate. If anyone suggests that there might be root causes for terrorism, he totally loses his shit. He also supports abortion rights, gay rights, has been seen in drag in public on several occasions, associates with suspected criminals, is a serial adulterer, and treats his ex-wives and his children like they carry the plague. Pat Robertson loudly declaims that abortion and homosexuality and feminism and, you know, our rights are why we endure terrorism, and also spent all of the Clinton years warning us that Clinton's sexual indiscretions were going to doom us all, because we just can't be led by people who enjoy orgasms and don't think that homosexuals should be confined to prison camps. It makes baby Jeebus angry. Also, in case you were wondering if Giuliani is actually the most "moral" of the Republican presidential candidates (according to the fucked-up morality of the Christian right, that is), Mike Huckabee is actually a Baptist minister. So Robertson could've thrown his support behind a candidate who is much more Republican Jeebus-friendly than Giuliani. But he didn't.

Giuliani and Robertson. They've teamed up.

So please, please Pat and Rudolph: Shut the fuck up. You two give hypocritical assholes a bad name.

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