Sunday, October 31, 2004

More News From Wisconsin

As I've mentioned before, Senator Russ Feingold is up for re-election here in Wisconsin. He will almost certainly, on Tuesday, reach back and bitch-slap the shit out of Republican tool and smug-yet-ignorant prick Tim Michels. And we'll all be glad.

However, when he does, I hope Feingold keeps a little something in the tank to give to world-class fuckstick Benito "Rudy" Guiliani, former shitty mayor of New York City. That smarmy sonofabitch has been appearing in Michels' TV commercials, talking about "leadership," as if Mayor McDouchebag knew the first goddamn thing about leadership.

Why the hell would it be a good idea to trot out Giuliani to show his death-mask visage to Wisconsin voters? Why is this asshole still publicly visible, even? I mean, before 9/11, he was known primarily for cracking down on the homeless, closing porno stores in Times Square (they just moved, anyway), and offering blame-the-victim explanations to grieving parents for why the fucking hyper-aggressive NYPD was shooting their children. Oh, and fucking over his ex-wives. Yeah. A real prince.

His major accomplishment on 9/11 was, of course, going on TV while not visibly shitting hmself (or flying around the country scared stupid, like some fuckin' people I could mention). Yeah. A real leader.

Simply because he comported himself a bit better than GW Bush on 9/11, he's some kind of a hero? Shit. Everyone looked like a hero compared to Bush that day. I don't recall Benito doing anything but standing in front of cameras.

By the way, Michels isn't the only candidate that the enormous prick Giuliani is out stumping for, of course. He's whored himself out in Washington state, as well as lots of other places. He's also bending over for Bush around the country. A whore whoring for a whore. How beautiful.

What's up for Rudy after the election? Well, as a member of the oldest profession, I'm sure he'll always be able to find work. However, in a just world (ha!), he'd have Russ Feingold's hand print across his face.

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Saturday, October 30, 2004

News From Wisconsin

Republicans just don't want people to go vote this Tuesday.

That's a bold assertion, true. But check out this article in Madison's Capital Times about some shitty behavior on behalf of the Dave Magnum campaign and the College Republicans:

UW-Madison students in six residence halls received misleading information this week about how to vote, triggering allegations of dirty tricks.

The Dave Magnum for Congress campaign and the College Republicans took responsibility and apologized for the mailing Friday evening, insisting it was an honest error.

But a progressive group called it a deliberate attempt to confuse student voters. And University of Wisconsin-Madison Chancellor John Wiley, saying he was concerned that students might not know where to vote, had e-mails sent to all students Friday afternoon containing correct information.

A flier carrying a photo of Magnum, the 2nd Congressional District Republican candidate, urged students to "vote at the polling place of your choice." It was mailed to students in numerous residence halls, university spokesman John Lucas said. The flier listed five locations on campus where students could "choose" to vote.

But in reality, each student is eligible to vote in only one place. Each residence hall is assigned to a specific polling station.

And you thought we lived in a democracy. Of course, the slimy fucks at the Magnum campaign and the UW College Republicans instantly claimed that, oops, they made a mistake, you see. Their mistake, I'm sure they think, is that they got caught trying to suppress voters. Because, you know, god forbid that people actually get to express their wills at the polls.

It could be worse, though. You could be an African-American living in Milwaukee:

From Sierra Club web logger John Barry, via Daily Kos. Image hosting thanks to our good friend Errol.

That's right. And it's fucking sickening. And infuriating. I'm very tired of these rotten motherfuckers trying to keep people from voting. Goddammit, this system is supposed to value everyone's input, not just the point of view of a few (yes, I'm being incredibly naive here. I know that, so piss off). Also, the allegiance of the citizens is supposed to be to the republic, not to a faction therein.

Speaking of which, I thought I'd share this instantaneously classic bit with all of you, from Slate:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla.—"I want you to stand, raise your right hands," and recite "the Bush Pledge," said Florida state Sen. Ken Pruitt. The assembled mass of about 2,000 in this Treasure Coast town about an hour north of West Palm Beach dutifully rose, arms aloft, and repeated after Pruitt: "I care about freedom and liberty. I care about my family. I care about my country. Because I care, I promise to work hard to re-elect, re-elect George W. Bush as president of the United States."

I know the Bush-Cheney campaign occasionally requires the people who attend its events to sign loyalty oaths, but this was the first time I have ever seen an audience actually stand and utter one. Maybe they've replaced the written oath with a verbal one.

High fucking holy fucking living fuck.

Can you believe that shit? I mean, did everybody have an armband with a GOP symbol on it, too?

God damn it. This is America. We do not swear fealty to fucking individuals. But there they stood, 2000 of them, pledging personal loyalty to that little Bush bitch, that helpless cheerleader, that red-painted corporate whore.

Wake the fuck up, people. We're dancing on the edge.

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Here Come Da Judge

Since the advent of the TV judge phenomenon, no one, in my opinion, has done a better job with the format than Judge Greg Mathis. His show is very entertaining, and his personal story is, to put it mildly, rather inspiring. And, as uber-pirate Maddox notes, Judge Mathis just doesn't put up with any bullshit.

Judge Mathis, perhaps unavoidably, informs us all that his bullshit detector has been overloaded by the mendacity and dishonesty of the Bush Administration:

After the last presidential debate in Tempe, I am left wondering why it is so hard for our nation’s commander-in-chief to tell the truth. From domestic issues to war to fiscal policy, Bush either ignores the truth, doesn’t understand the truth or can’t speak the truth. Whatever the reason, none of these truths sit well with me—and they should not with anyone else either. For all sakes and purposes, Bush is the leader of the free world. He must be held accountable for his words and actions, and central to that accountability is the ability to discern, discuss and know the truth. This is the central problem of the Bush presidency and his candidacy: he lied.

By now, everyone should know that not only were there no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq, Saddam Hussein did not even possess the ability to create such weapons. These weapons served as a major reason to go to war and it was a false reason. Additionally, Bush claimed that Iraq had connections with al-Qaeda that had to be severed and could only be countered by war. We know that this is untrue. Not only did Iraq NOT have connections to/with al-Qaeda, evidence suggests that Saddam had successfully kept al-Qaeda out of Iraq. Bush lied.

During the debates, Bush claimed that over 2 million new jobs have been added to the work force under his presidency. This is only half-true. The truth of the matter is that the 2 million jobs, about which the president brags, is over 500,000 jobs short of the nearly 3 million jobs LOST since Bush became president. That means, the truth of the matter is that under a Bush presidency, this country has suffered a net loss of jobs. Jobs have been lost under the Bush presidency, not gained. Bush lied.

The domestic debate brought more of the same from Bush. Bush claimed that health care costs were high because of medical malpractice lawsuits and higher insurance costs. This is not true. The Congressional Budget Office, a federal institution, reported that malpractice insurance accounts for only 2 percent of health care spending. Bush neglected to tell truth about his record on education. Bush claimed to have increased education funding by 49 percent. Putting aside, for now, that the actual percentage is closer to 43, the motivation for the increase has been largely congressional, with opposition from the White House. In plain English, Congress, not the president, has been responsible for the anemic funding education has received under Bush’s presidency. Bush has not funded education. His budgets have proposed cuts in education spending. Bush lied.

America deserves a president who does not feel the need to lie about everything his administration does. For someone so quick to mention what qualities a president should possess, Bush should note that accountability and honesty should be at the top of any such list of qualities/qualifications. Bush either lied straight-faced to the American public, or does not have a clue as to what is going on. In any case, his words and actions are unacceptable. At the end of the day, Bush cannot seem to get the truth to come out of his mouth and that concerns me. At the end of the day, Bush lied.

You tell 'em, judge. Maybe a lawyer or two should listen to you.

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

It's Almost Halloween

It is that time of year, so it's time for something spooooooky.

What is it this year, boys and girls? Goblins? Witches? Zombies?


It's much, much worse.

Ignorant Republicans. Ooooooooo!!!!!!

That's right, folks.

Why do I say ignorant? Simple. They just don't know what their own candidate stands for.

Incredible, ain't it? But it's true. Our President plays his supporters for suckers. He straight lies to them, and they believe it, in spite of reams of evidence to the contrary.

But Jude, you might ask, aren't you just giving us your admittedly negaitve and dismal impression of the President?

Good question. However, no. I'm not.

It turns out that the good people at the Program on International Policy Attitudes, a group that works at the University of Maryland (Go Terps!) has discovered that supporters of President Bush are shockingly ignorant. I do not say that to call them stupid, but rather to use the denotative meaning of the word ignorant--unaware of factual material.

There was this piece, from 29 September 2004, noting the astonishing ignorance of Bush supporters. Then, following the Duelfer report, PIPA produced this piece quite recently (on 21 October 2004). The content of the two is shocking and depressing, especially for those of us in the reality-based community. However, it's important to know just exactly how deep the delusion of Bush supporters actually goes.

From the 29 September article:

Majorities of Bush supporters incorrectly assumed that Bush favors including labor and environmental standards in trade agreements (84%), and the US being part of the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (69%), the International Criminal Court (66%), the treaty banning land mines (72%), and the Kyoto Treaty on global warming (51%). They were divided between those who knew that Bush favors building a new missile defense system now (44%) and those who incorrectly believe he wishes to do more research until its capabilities are proven (41%). However, majorities were correct that Bush favors increased defense spending (57%) and wants the US, not the UN, to take the stronger role in developing Iraq’s new government (70%).

And from the 21 October piece:

Even after the final report of Charles Duelfer to Congress saying that Iraq did not have a significant WMD program, 72% of Bush supporters continue to believe that Iraq had actual WMD (47%) or a major program for developing them (25%). Fifty-six percent assume that most experts believe Iraq had actual WMD and 57% also assume, incorrectly, that Duelfer concluded Iraq had at least a major WMD program. Kerry supporters hold opposite beliefs on all these points.

Similarly, 75% of Bush supporters continue to believe that Iraq was providing substantial support to al Qaeda, and 63% believe that clear evidence of this support has been found. Sixty percent of Bush supporters assume that this is also the conclusion of most experts, and 55% assume, incorrectly, that this was the conclusion of the 9/11 Commission. Here again, large majorities of Kerry supporters have exactly opposite perceptions.

These are some of the findings of a new study of the differing perceptions of Bush and Kerry supporters, conducted by the Program on International Policy Attitudes and Knowledge Networks, based on polls conducted in September and October.

Steven Kull, director of PIPA, comments, "One of the reasons that Bush supporters have these beliefs is that they perceive the Bush administration confirming them. Interestingly, this is one point on which Bush and Kerry supporters agree." Eighty-two percent of Bush supporters perceive the Bush administration as saying that Iraq had WMD (63%) or that Iraq had a major WMD program (19%). Likewise, 75% say that the Bush administration is saying Iraq was providing substantial support to al Qaeda. Equally large majorities of Kerry supporters hear the Bush administration expressing these views--73% say the Bush administration is saying Iraq had WMD (11% a major program) and 74% that Iraq was substantially supporting al Qaeda.

Steven Kull adds, "Another reason that Bush supporters may hold to these beliefs is that they have not accepted the idea that it does not matter whether Iraq had WMD or supported al Qaeda. Here too they are in agreement with Kerry supporters." Asked whether the US should have gone to war with Iraq if US intelligence had concluded that Iraq was not making WMD or providing support to al Qaeda, 58% of Bush supporters said the US should not have, and 61% assume that in this case the President would not have. Kull continues, "To support the president and to accept that he took the US to war based on mistaken assumptions likely creates substantial cognitive dissonance, and leads Bush supporters to suppress awareness of unsettling information about prewar Iraq."

This tendency of Bush supporters to ignore dissonant information extends to other realms as well. Despite an abundance of evidence--including polls conducted by Gallup International in 38 countries, and more recently by a consortium of leading newspapers in 10 major countries--only 31% of Bush supporters recognize that the majority of people in the world oppose the US having gone to war with Iraq. Forty-two percent assume that views are evenly divided, and 26% assume that the majority approves. Among Kerry supporters, 74% assume that the majority of the world is opposed.

Similarly, 57% of Bush supporters assume that the majority of people in the world would favor Bush's reelection; 33% assumed that views are evenly divided and only 9% assumed that Kerry would be preferred. A recent poll by GlobeScan and PIPA of 35 of the major countries around the world found that in 30, a majority or plurality favored Kerry, while in just 3 Bush was favored. On average, Kerry was preferred more than two to one.

Bush supporters also have numerous misperceptions about Bush's international policy positions. Majorities incorrectly assume that Bush supports multilateral approaches to various international issues--the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (69%), the treaty banning land mines (72%)--and for addressing the problem of global warming: 51% incorrectly assume he favors US participation in the Kyoto treaty. After he denounced the International Criminal Court in the debates, the perception that he favored it dropped from 66%, but still 53% continue to believe that he favors it. An overwhelming 74% incorrectly assumes that he favors including labor and environmental standards in trade agreements. In all these cases, majorities of Bush supporters favor the positions they impute to Bush. Kerry supporters are much more accurate in their perceptions of his positions on these issues.

"The roots of the Bush supporters' resistance to information," according to Steven Kull, "very likely lie in the traumatic experience of 9/11 and equally in the near pitch-perfect leadership that President Bush showed in its immediate wake. This appears to have created a powerful bond between Bush and his supporters--and an idealized image of the President that makes it difficult for his supporters to imagine that he could have made incorrect judgments before the war, that world public opinion could be critical of his policies or that the President could hold foreign policy positions that are at odds with his supporters."

The polls were conducted October 12-18 and September 3-7 and 8-12 with samples of 968, 798 and 959 respondents, respectively. Margins of error were 3.2 to 4% in the first and third surveys and 3.5% on September 3-7. The poll was fielded by Knowledge Networks using its nationwide panel, which is randomly selected from the entire adult population and subsequently provided internet access. For more information about this methodology, go to www.knowledgenetworks.ganp

Terrifying, no?

I thought it was, anyway.

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Fuck The Fucking Yankees

You heard me.

I'm still grinning like an idiot over the Red Sox win.

I also came across this gem from Steve Gilliard about the game (Steve is a Daily Kos alumnus).

I'll post a little bit of his commentary, but you've got to go to his blog to appreciate fully the genius of this post. You'll understand when you get there.

First, a hearty congradulations to Red Sox Nation. Curse? There is no curse any more. That motherfucker got pounded to death tonight by Johnny Damon. Win or lose, the curse is history. Beating the Yankees in their house, with those stupid, sad faces, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a way to bring joy into a man's life.

The Yankees looked like little princelings having their favorite horse stolen. Why couldn't daddy stop it. Oh, my, it's so painful. Their pouts are so sad, so heartbroken. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Well, your new daddy just beat your ass for being a spoiled punk. A scruffy sort isn't he?

Second, the Yankees choked like an anaconda eating a sheep. They fell the fuck apart. I mean just collapsed like a Trabant's transmission. The Yankees were up 3-0 and lost. And the last two games? A righteous asskicking.

And the team absolutely deserved it. A more arrogant team you cannot find. And the news is absolutely hillarious. You would think the Brooklyn Bridge collapsed into the East River. My God, how could they lose to the Red Sox.

They didn't just lose, they got their asses beat stupid.

Recently, the idiot Yankee fans started calling themselves the evil empire. Well, looks like the Death Star just blew the fuck up. Didn't they get the point that you must harness the Force for good? Stupid fucks.

Hell yeah!

You know, the Series doesn't even matter anymore. That shit would just be icing on the cake. They beat the fuckin' Yankees, with authority, in the Bronx. That's good enough for me. Take that, you smug fucks.

Take that for the fuckin' Bucky Dent game, for fuckin' Steinbrenner, for fuckin' Alex Rodriguez, and for all that stupid shit about "The Curse."

Yes, yes. I know that "The Curse" is supposed to be about the World Series, not the ALCS, but I just don't care right now. The BoSox showed us, now and forever, that Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!

Did everyone in Boston have the day off of work today? They should have. The Archbishop should've just fuckin' made up a feast day--call it the Feast of the Decaying Liver--and temporarily made everyone in town a Catholic. Friday you can all go back to being sinners/heretics/hellbound, but, for today, you're welcome to the day off.

Now if, and I do say if, the Sox win the Series, I can't imagine the sort of debauchery that will go on in the Olde Towne. But I do know that Nabil will be responsible for at least 14% of it.

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High Holy Living Hell

Red Sox win.

Red Sox win!


Update: Fuck you, New York Times, you miserable rejoicing-in-Boston-anguish motherfuckers. I got your curse right here, you filthy 42nd Street bitches.

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Friday, October 15, 2004

Talk about Hardcore

Read this article about KRS-One sent by my friend Kelly who says "I really used to dig this guy's music. I didn't know he was an anarchist."

Here's a taste:

"The atrocity of 9-11 'doesn't affect us the hip-hop community,' he said. '9-11 happened to them, not us,' he added, explaining that by 'them' he meant 'the rich ... those who are oppressing us. RCA or BMG, Universal, the radio stations.'

Parker also sneered at efforts by other rappers to get young people to vote.

'Voting in a corrupt society adds more corruption,' he added. 'America has to commit suicide if the world is to be a better place.'



Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Whoa - this election might be worse than the last one

Check it out. Thanks, as usual, to Volokh.


Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Through The Mirror Of My Mind

Ahh, it's time for reflections again.

Life in a college town has got to be one of the more surreal experiences available to the American citizen. Now, you might ask, what brought up that statement, Jude?

The answer: Sidewalks. That's right, sidewalks.

The sidewalks of Madison play host to lots of activities, just like you'd expect in any mid-sized city--jogging, panhandling, bicycling, stumbling, fighting, Friday-night drunken makeout sessions, and so forth.

But what really amazes me about them is the contrast between what you see coloring the off- and on-campus concrete.

Walking to campus, the sidewalks, as one might expect in a town that is home to a highly-ranked party school, are often "decorated" with the contents of some over-enthusiastic students' stomachs (how's that for euphemistic?).

Once on the campus proper, however, the view below your feet changes. The colors are now due, mostly, to sidewalk chalk. You find the usual assortment of stuff you'd expect on a college campus--club meetings, guest speakers, special events, and so forth. However, this being an election year, the nature of the graffiti has an added political dimension that, last year, at least, it has otherwise lacked.

Sidewalk chalkers show great affinity for US Representative Tammy Baldwin and US Senator Russ Feingold, both Democratic incumbents up for re-election (Feingold, to his eternal credit, provided the lone dissenting vote against the atrociously-named and liberty-infringing USA PATRIOT Act). There have also been sporadic statements of support for world-class tool Tim Michels, a Republican who is making a vain effort to unseat Feingold this November. How this jackass won the Republican nomination is beyond me.

And, of course, one sees chalkings for and against President Bush and Senator Kerry (I'll ignore the occasional third party or Nader messages for now). Here's a quick rundown of what I've seen, pro- and contra-, regarding both candidates.

Most of the pro-Kerry writing is aimed at interesting students to vote for the man based on his stated desire to make college more affordable, his opposition to ANWR drilling, and other issues that would motivate university students to go to the polls for Kerry.

Most of the pro-Bush stuff I've seen consists simply of official slogans ("W '04," for example) or absolutely mindless unofficial (I sincerely hope) slogans such as the shudder-inducing, recently-seen "Luvya Dubya" that adorned Bascom Hill today (I feel dirty having written that).

The anti-Bush chalking relies, oddly enough, on his atrocious record, and is largely the work, according to the chalkers, of students under the auspices of America Coming Together. The ACT 4 Change graffiti draws attention to Bush's Orwellian "Healthy Forest Initiative," "Clear Skies Program," and stated desire to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to petroleum drilling--that is, the ACT people want students here to know about Bush's god-awful record of environmental stewardship. Also, other chalkers do bring up the Iraq war, something that should be on the mind of all people aged 18-26, all the time.

But the anti-Kerry chalking that really, really, really boggles the mind.

A group calling itself "Students Against Kerry" (which doesn't even have a web site--how positively paleolithic, right?) has decided to argue against Kerry in the most stunning fashion possible. They just lie.

And I'm not saying that as a Kerry supporter.

There are reasons, I'm sure, for people to oppose Kerry that don't involve lying, distortion, or solely emotional appeals. But "Students Against Kerry" has none of those reasons at their fingertips, it seems. I took the liberty of copying a few of their statements this afternoon, and I will share them with you now:

Kerry only US Senator to vote to raise taxes every 3 weeks.

Kerry (heart) Dictators

Kerry's terror policy focuses on appeasement

Osama would vote Kerry...will you?

Kerry took campaign cash from Red China!

And, most laughably, the following two slogans:

Kerry wants to eliminate the middle class!

Kerry's plan will raise taxes 80% on middle class families while increasing the nat'l debt 200%!


And it occurred to me: Bush has nothing. Nothing at all to run on. His supporters, since they can't make John Kerry look as bad as Bush by using the truth, have no qualms at all about just lying. Hey--if the President and his administration officials don't mind lying, why should his supporters?

Some of the claims made by "Students Against Kerry" are also made by the Progress for America Voter Fund, a right-wing campaign group. You may have seen some of PFA's advertisements, especially the latest, whiny spot that starts with "Has any President ever been dealt a tougher hand?"

Anyway, back to the lies about Kerry. The anti-Bush statements, negative though they are, are firmly rooted in fact. The statements about Kerry, when I first saw them, made me laugh out loud. "Kerry wants to eliminate the middle class!"

Does anybody really believe this shit? If you have an argument, make it. Don't vomit lies all over the ground.

Hey, Students Against Kerry--you'd be doing all of us more good by puking on the sidewalk literally instead of metaphorically.

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Oh come on...

Check it out. Actually it was made to kill homosexuals. It just got out of hand.

Update: Note to readers: the above post is a sarcastic denegration of the idea that AIDS was created by "the man" to destroy blacks. I have changed the original so as not to offend readers... too much.


Monday, October 11, 2004

Across the pond

It's always good to get a little perspective by checking out the BBC.

Superman, Election, and since when do the British not like swearing?

The Ancient And Hermetic Order Of The Shrill

I've been keeping this gem to myself, and I'm sorry for that.

Make sure you check out the Shrillblog, home of the Ancient and Hermetic Order of the Shrill. There you will read from the pages of the unholy Krugmanonicon, worship at the altar of Socialized Medicine, and enjoy the feast of the Immaculate Progressive Tax System.

No, really. It's good stuff. One of the main posters is J. Bradford DeLong, whose site we link to on the right.

Make sure that you check out this Shrillblog post, which has a wonderful graph from the Congressional Budget Office, information from the Boston Globe, and data from (of all people) the Cato Institute detailing one of Bush's most egregious lies from Friday's debate.

The lie in question?

Non-homeland, non-defense discretionary spending was raising at 15 percent a year when I got into office. And today it's less than 1 percent, because we're working together to try to bring this deficit under control.

How big of a liar is George W. Bush?

A gigantic one.

The Boston Globe (link above in this post) tells us that

Since taking office in 2001, Bush has allowed domestic discretionary outlays to soar by an annual average of 8.2 percent. That compared with 2.5 percent a year under Bill Clinton, 4.0 percent of George Bush the Elder, 2.0 percent of Jimmy Carter, and 6.8 percent under Richard Nixon. Under Ronald Reagan, nondefense discretionary spending declined by 1.3 percent per year. (All percentages are inflation-adjusted.) By any measure, Bush the Younger is the biggest-spending president in memory.


Let's look at that information in a different format, just because I like clearly illustrating what a gigantic liar George W. Bush is, and because I get to use, for the FIRST TIME here at Punch and Jude, bulleted information.

Average Yearly Non-defense Discretionary Spending Increases/Decreases
(By Administration):

  • Nixon: +6.8%
  • Carter: +2.0%
  • Reagan: -1.3%
  • Bush I: +4.0%
  • Clinton: +2.5%
  • Bush II: +8.2%
Let me repeat that last bit: George W. Bush has increased non-defense discretionary spending by 8.2% per year. He said, of course, that he has done no such thing, and basically blamed Clinton (do they ever get tired of that?) for what increase there has been.

That man lies like a rug.

Let me state that mathematically: 2.5% does not equal 15%; similarly, 8.2% does not equal 1%.

If I knew how to make the "does not equal" sign, I would. So get off my damn case.

Bush's lies make me nostalgic for Reagan. He told whoppers galore, but a) they weren't as obvious or egregious as Bush II, and b) he could deliver his lines with some skill.

I'm really not asking for much, Republican Party. I don't even mind being lied to. What I do mind is when you don't put any effort into your lies. Come on! Give me something that will make me say "Well, maybe he's not totally full of shit."

You guys just don't have any standards--or respect for the audience you're lying to. And that I just can't abide.

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Just In Case You'd Forgotten

George Bush, Dick Cheney, and the entire current presidential administration have repeatedly lied to you.

Consider: Report Discounts Iraqi Arms Threat.

That's right. Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction. Iraq had no capacity to develop any weapons of mass destruction. Nor did it have any concrete plans to develop any. Do you remember the first justification for war with Iraq?

Bush knew that "Saddam had weapons." He even, in the 2003 State of the Union Address, frightened us all with tales of Saddam's thousands of liters of anthrax, enough to "kill several million people." Millions! Whatever will we do? Cheney said that "[Saddam] has, in fact reconstituted nuclear weapons" (Note: not weapons programs, mind you. Cheney said weapons.). Rumsfeld even knew where to find them: "We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat." Well, he sort of knew where they were. And you do remember when National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice terrified us all by saying that "we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud," don't you? For Chrissakes, Secretary of State Colin Powell went to the UN and solemnly swore that Iraq possessed "stockpiles" of chemical agents and lots of weaponized biological agents.

Here's a bit of the Washington Post article, the first link in this post:

The government's most definitive account of Iraq's arms programs, to be released today, will show that Saddam Hussein posed a diminishing threat at the time the United States invaded and did not possess, or have concrete plans to develop, nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, U.S. officials said yesterday.

The officials said that the 1,000-page report by Charles A. Duelfer, the chief U.S. weapons inspector in Iraq, concluded that Hussein had the desire but not the means to produce unconventional weapons that could threaten his neighbors or the West. President Bush has continued to assert in his campaign stump speech that Iraq had posed "a gathering threat."

The officials said Duelfer, an experienced former United Nations weapons inspector, found that the state of Hussein's weapons-development programs and knowledge base was less advanced in 2003, when the war began, than it was in 1998, when international inspectors left Iraq.

Emphasis added.

I don't know how to put this any more plainly: IRAQ POSED ABSOLUTELY ZERO THREAT TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Zero. None. Nada. Zilch. Not a goddamn bit of threat.

They lied to you. Straight up lied. They didn't misstate, or misspeak, make an honest mistake, or overestimate. They straight lied to all of us. And plenty of people have paid for that.

We'll all be paying for it for years to come.

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Tiger Marries

Read ESPN's coverage here. There were a few surprises:

1. Hootie and the Blowfish played the wedding

2. Hootie and the Blowfish are still a band

3. MJ, Oprah, and the Round Mound of Rebound were in attendance, but Lebron James wasn't. He was busy.

Personally if I was going to drop $1.5 M on a wedding (don't get any ideas Camille) I don't think Hootie would be playing. But that's just me.

Good News Roundup

Red Sox trounce Angels;

Twins edge Yankees;

Edwards beats Cheney.

Woo hoo!

However, our good news is tempered a bit by the passing of comic genius Rodney Dangerfield.

Sorry it's not all good news, folks.

As a gesture of respect (tee hee), we present a few of Rodney's one-liners for you here:

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much.
Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

Thank you and goodnight!

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